Myth: Debunked
by lmhsfan
Summary: Edward is writing a song-no, THE song-that will finally win Bella's heart. Until the perpetually shirtless neighbor shows up, babbling nonsense about his cat in another lame attempt to flirt shamelessly with his Bella. Well, jokes on him. Bella's not home. Language. Lemon. Slash. Inspired by a prompt given to me for Fage 4.


**I originally planned this when I did Fage 4. My recipient, a one addicted-to-romione-bedward, gave me several prompts and asked for an E/J or E/B pairing, E/J being preferable. I tried and tried to think of something, but I've never written Slash, so what she got was _Snowed, _which I know was much too fluffy and E/B to boot. About halfway through writing _Snowed _though, I got the idea for this, melding the two prompt of "Author's block" and "My cat is on your roof". My gift was already way late, however, so I promised her this at a later date. Turned out to be way later, and when Fage 5 popped up, I saw that her gift was using the same prompt: "My cat is on your roof." I have contacted the gifter, letting her know of my plans to post this and begging her forgiveness for re-using her prompt, but she has not responded.**

**In all fairness, I received it first. And anyway, our sories are NOTHING alike, simply inspired by the same sentence. Hers is a fluffy E/B about scheming felines and mine is a smutty E/J... that doesn't_ actually _involve cats. So there you go. Read and Review them both. No plagiarism intended.  
**

**As I said. First slash. Second Lemon. Ever. As always, let me know, and I don't own ANYTHING!  
**

* * *

Edward was on a roll. With the second draft of lyrics well under way and the melody writing itself, he knew he'd finally gotten it. He'd finally written a love song to rival all love songs. Honest, pure, impossible to ignore: exactly what he was going for. Bella had to listen to this. She'd have no choice but to love him and allow herself to be loved in return. He's just started mapping chord progressions when somebody knocked on his door.

Bella wasn't due for an hour, and he wasn't expecting any packages, so he tiptoed to the door slowly, trying not to alert the stranger to his presence. The missionaries had been out of late, energized by the warming weather and the temporal proximity to Easter. But the stranger on the other side of his door wasn't a missionary, at least he didn't think so. He opened the door to his shirtless neighbor just enough to peek his head out.

"Can I help you?" He eyed the blond suspiciously. This...Jasper person who lived next door, he never wore a shirt, always waved to his Bella, and could frequently be seen doing push-ups on his front lawn. He was competition, plain and simple, the very reason he wrote a love song in the first place. If he didn't convince Bella to want him soon, she'd likely end up with this Jasper fellow, and he looked the type to ruin her for other men.

Jasper quirked a brow at Edward's question, though Edward didn't find much confusing about it.

"Can I help you?" he asked again, feeling his eyes narrow.

Jasper cleared his throat. "Yes, I... I definitely think you can." He smirked in a way that Edward found infuriating.

"Well?" Edward was already tired of this idiot. "What do you want?"

"My pussy."

"Excuse me?"

"My cat. He's on your roof."

"I didn't know you had a cat." He definitely didn't have a cat. And if he was looking for his "pussy" as euphemism, Edward didn't like it one bit. First of all, Bella was not his. Second, she should never be referred to in such a way. And third, Bella was _definitely _not his.

"I just bought him yesterday," said Jasper. "I named him Willow, as in Pussy. Willow. I thought it would be funny." He chuckled but let it die off. "Guess I was wrong."

Giving him the benefit of the doubt, and seeing as Bella wasn't around to be flirted with, Edward asked politely, "Well, what do you want me to do about it?"

"Can I come inside?" Again with that stupid ass grin. "I'll be quick, in and out. Then you can continue pretending not to notice me."

What the hell was that supposed to mean, Edward wondered. Notice him hitting on his girl? Notice him showing off in the street for all the world to see? He hadn't been covert in his observations of these things. Edward watched through his blinds like a stalker and glared menacingly whenever the three of them were within yards of one another.

"Be quick about it," said Edward, stepping aside. "Bella will be home in an hour."

Jasper nodded and walked in, taking a look around. "Did you decorate yourself?"

"Bella helped. Actually, I pretty much just funded it. She does whatever she wants in _our _house." He was sure to put emphasis on the "our".

"So... She's your girlfriend?"

Edward's first instinct was to blurt out a "yes" and tell Jasper to get a move on, but he found he couldn't lie about this. What if Bella liked the guy? What if she preferred him over Edward? How could he ruin her happiness? He sighed. "No. She's not my girlfriend. But I'm working on it." He glanced over to the wastebasket, overflowing with his failed attempts at declaration. Jasper followed his gaze to the pile of crumpled sheet music and sighed as well.

"Ahh... Love'll drive a man nuts," he said, clapping a hand on Edward's shoulder. "That's why I make it a point to never fall in love. Keep it fun. Avoid intense emotion; it's the only way to stay sane out there."

Edward stiffened. "Don't you have a cat to save?"

"There's a window with roof access on your house. Which one is it?"

Edward thought it through. There were actually _two _windows with roof access. One in his bedroom, and one in Bella's. "This way," he said, heading for his own room. "You can climb out through here."

Jasper followed him up the stairs, keeping oddly quiet for such an obnoxious ass until they reached Edward's room.

"Niiice," he drawled, running his hands over Edward's sheets. "Your not-quite-girlfriend pick these out too?"

Edward blushed, the rich satin had actually been his own doing. And though Bella's possible enjoyment had been a largely motivating factor, she'd never even seen his bed. Any time she'd tried to enter Edward's bedroom, he found some excuse to get her back into the hallway. God only knew what would happen if he had Bella alone in his room. Whatever it was would likely be more embarrassing than smooth.

Instead of answering Jasper's question, Edward gestured toward the window.

"Better get after my Pussy," Jasper said with a smirk, trailing his finger along Edward's bed as he made his way over to the window. He raised the blinds and flipped the lock with ease, but when he pushed upward the glass wouldn't budge.

"There's a latch there," Edward offered. "Here, let me."

"I got it," Jasper protested, angling himself to push harder. The window groaned and let out a _CRACK_.

"You're gonna break it." Edward tried to shove Jasper out of the way, but he was surprisingly solid. Instead, he ducked under the man's arms, finding the right button easily and releasing the sash. With a grunt Jasper lurched forward as the window unexpectedly sprang up, taking both his and Edward's hands with it.

"Shit!" They both yelled. Edward landed on his knees and immediately brought his finger to his lips. He tasted blood, but the pain had already receded. Jasper hadn't fared as well.

"Fuuuckk," he groaned from the floor. He help one palm to his forehead, which he seemed to have bashed against the windowsill, while his other hand ghosted over his crotch, as though afraid to touch.

Edward turned professional in a moment, removing Jasper's hand from his face and inspecting the damage. He would have a good-sized bump on his head, might need a doctor, but would probably be fine with some ice and an Advil. And yet, he still groaned in pain.

"You'll be fine, asshole. It's just a bump," he admonished, tapping the bruise for good measure.

"It's not that, you dick, it's my leg. You elbowed me and it fuckin' kills."

"Where did I get you?"

Jasper motioned to the crease of his thigh, just where his leg met his pelvis. A very sensitive area.

"You'll be fine in a minute."

"What, you're a doctor now?" Jasper asked through gritted teeth. "Feels like I got stabbed in the nuts."

"I'm an officer, and this is nothing serious. Trust me. Just massage the muscle until it relaxes and the stinging sensation will cease."

"You've had this happen to you?" Jasper seemed hesitant to touch the tender area, but eventually gave in. It wasn't getting better on its own.

"Once or twice," Edward admitted. "Violent drunks with bad aim will do that for you."

Jasper hummed in acknowledgment, his eyes closed as he rubbed along his thigh, his face slowly smoothing as his body visibly relaxed. Edward remembered the feeling. The few times he'd experienced something like this, his entire torso had locked up. Everything from his ass to his abs had become so tight it did not nothing but magnify the pain. Getting loose seemed like a miracle. The relief had been so great, it was almost orgasmic.

It probably helped that he'd thought of his Bella while attempting to calm his body and relax. Only the opposite had happened, hadn't it? As the pain had receded, the flood of endorphins hit him hard, turning his goal from relaxation to pleasure. A new type of stiffness had overtaken him and he'd been forced to ride it out to its conclusion each time.

Almost on cue, Jasper let out a moan. As Edward's eyes focused, he suddenly realized what he was doing. His unseeing eyes had been transfixed on Jasper's hand the entire time, watching him rub perilously close to his groin for minutes on end while he'd been lost in memories of jerking off. And what's worse, he was almost hard from it. Edward dithered, debating whether or not to remind Jasper of his presence. He didn't want to call attention to himself and his "condition", but if he didn't stop the man soon, he was likely to start wanking right there on his bedroom floor.

Edward glanced again toward Jasper's face, just to be sure his eyes were still closed. Only... they weren't. Jasper's eyes were wide open and transfixed on Edward's crotch. Edward let out an involuntary gasp.

Jasper met his eyes and smiled. "Welcome to the party."

Edward's initial reaction, despite the oddity of their circumstances, was confusion. Party? He'd just been caught with a semi while watching another man work out a kink in his... As Edward's eyes traveled in the direction of his thoughts, he realized that Jasper was no longer working to relax his muscles, but very openly and obviously rubbing his cock through his pants.

It was like a train wreck. Edward didn't want to see it, but he couldn't look away. Jasper moaned while he stared, transfixed by the sight of another man's pleasure. Was that his dick? The clearly outlined rod in his jeans looked big. Bigger, maybe, than Edward's, although he couldn't really be sure. Why was he thinking about this? Why was he _looking_? Abruptly, he turned away.

Jasper chuckled. "It's okay to like what you see, Edward. It's for you. This rock hard cock is for _you_."

Edward chanced another glance, noting how Jasper squeezed the denim near his base for emphasis.

"I'm not gay," he told Jasper. Himself. And he wasn't. From his first crush to the woman he was convinced would be the love of his life, Edward had always been attracted to women. Men did nothing for him. Even now, with Jasper, it had been thoughts of Bella that had brought on his excitement. Jasper himself was nothing but an annoyance, a catalyst for great memories at a very bad time. And yet, he continued to wonder. Was Jasper bigger than him? Was he circumcised? Did it always lean slightly to the left, or was that just the way it lay in his jeans?

And he was staring again.

"You think every guy that likes cock is gay?" Jasper asked, seemingly amused by this.

"That's the basic definition."

"Let me ask you something," Jasper said, sitting up and putting complete focus into their conversation. "Have you ever watched porn?" Edward grudgingly nodded. "Have you ever noticed how exceptionally _large _those guys are? Pretty strange considering you're meant to focus on the women."

"I've watched lesbian porn."

"It's not the same though, is it? Is it because we like to imagine it's us on the screen, that we have fantasy dicks that make women scream like that? I'm not buying it. I mean, your cock is good to you, right? Wet, dry, pussy, mouth, hell, just your hand and a good mental picture and the big guy makes it awesome. Ever wish you could suck your own dick?" Luckily the question was rhetorical "I do. We all do. We're all in love with our own... Kinda makes you wonder about the rest."

Edward wanted to argue, but found he had no idea how. It wasn't something he'd ever thought about, but it did make a lot of sense.

"Orgies, threesomes, DP... And what about strap-ons," Jasper continued. "Ever used one of those?"

To this Edward was able to gave an honest and emphatic no. Although one of his college girlfriends had shown him the benefits of a prostate massage, he had never wanted anything larger than a finger up there, and he never would. Finding himself oddly at ease with Jasper—now that he wasn't touching himself—Edward confessed to his experience.

"So you're a top."

"I'm not-"

"I know, I know. You're not gay, and I believe that. Really, I do. But _you _ have to admit to being curious. You want to know what I got goin' down there, and I am _more _than willing to show. All you have to do is ask, Edward. Tell me what you want, I guarantee you'll get it."

Edward kept his eyes on Jasper's smirking face and not the bulging seam in his pants. The guy was attractive—he wasn't homophobic enough to deny it—but he wasn't actually _attracted. _Nothing even remotely sexual crossed his mind when he looked at that face. The shoulders and chest in his peripheral vision were well-defined, muscular, angles a woman wouldn't have. No breasts, only pecs, and some hair. Women didn't have hair there.

Edward's erection began to deflate. No, he didn't want anything from this _man_, and he absolutely intended to say so. All he had to do was convince himself it didn't interest him that his arm was moving. Not in the slightest. Whatever Jasper was doing with his hand was out of sight, and that suited Edward just fine. Really.

"Jasper."

"Yes, Edward?"

"What I want... is for you to go home."

"You're lying, Edward." Jasper's smile turned evil, the arm on his right sped up.

"Go home, Jasper."

"Not until you look."

"What?"

"I'm not leaving until you look at what I'm doing."

"You said I would get what I wanted if I asked you, and right now I'm asking you-"

"You'll get it, Edward. I'll keep my word. Look at my hand and tell it what you want it to do. Stop and go home? Okay. But _only _after you look at it." Jasper's attempt at innocent eyes was almost laughable. Challenge was written all over his face. All they were missing was the "triple dog dare you," and Edward didn't doubt it would come to that.

He took a deep breath, steeling his resolve for one last glimpse. What was the worst that could happen? Jasper hadn't unzipped his pants yet, and the rubbing, no matter how vigorous, was something he'd already seen. Seen. Survived. Lost his hard-on over. He was just going to look down and get this freak out of his- "Oh, shit."

"You were saying?" Jasper's hand wasn't where Edward expected it to be, rubbing on the outside of his jeans. No, instead of relative chastity, Jasper had somehow snuck his hand under the waistband and was working himself from within. Edward didn't know how though, those jeans were so tight, so full of Jasper that he just didn't fit. Even as Jasper's flattened palm continued what looked to be a painful mashing, the tip of him peeked out over his belly, a small bead of moisture precariously balanced on top.

As Edward watched, the droplet grew, and with one powerful stroke, it set to rolling down the side of Jasper's length. The moment he lost sight of it, Edward growled. "Take them off."

"I'm sorry, Edward. Did you-"

"Take them off or get the fuck out of my house."

Wisely, in Edward's opinion, Jasper help his tongue this time, removing the denim to reveal the bareness beneath. Devoid of restriction, Jasper took himself fully into his fist and set a painfully slow rhythm. Looking on, it was all too easy for Edward to picture doing this himself. Jasper _was _longer than him, but not quite as thick. His garden was better tended, but they both had the same cut, the same lean, the same vein bulging in a spiral to the top.

Like any honest man, Edward loved his penis, and watching one so similar being pleasured so effectively began to take its toll. Before long, he had a palm over his hard-on, not to cover or deny it, but to stroke it in time with Jasper's. Though incomplete through the denim, the feeling was incredible. Edward groaned. In response, Jasper sped his hand, giving a twist over the head on every third stroke accompanied by a grunt.

Edward's cock soon grew envious of Jasper's. It ached to be handled the same way, to have the same freedom of movement. Abandoning pretense, Edward quickly removed his own jeans, taking his briefs down with them. He stood over Jasper, staring at his hands, mirroring their every move. They twisted, he twisted. They cupped, he cupped. When Edward's breathing became shallow, the other hands slowed, and his own instinctively followed, bringing about an oddly consensual torture. These were the unpredictable acts of a stranger in the comfort of his own expert hands. This was something like heaven.

Edward's eyes never strayed, terrified to look away, as though the moment would be gone if he missed a single stroke. But when the other hands seemed to pull out their signature move, his own were forced to copy, and the resulting spasm sent a tingle up his spine. Edward closed his eyes, savoring the feel of his imminent release.

A foreign sensation jolted Edward from his stupor, foreign yet oh so familiar. The introduction of a warm, wet tongue to his slit almost had him cumming on the spot, but the shock of it held him back. Then the realization that it must have been _Jasper's _tongue set in and his arousal took a drastic dive.

"Aww, he doesn't want to play anymore?" Jasper's teasing voice brought Edward completely back to reality and he rushed to cover his softening erection from view. "Don't be like that," Jasper continued, tugging at Edward's hands. "A mouth is a mouth is a mouth. Just feel."

Edward disagreed, but his traitorous cock had other plans. Jasper had managed to grip him at the base, retaining what hardness remained, and began a teasing assault directly on the head with his tongue. With a few seconds and some light suction, Edward was back to his former glory. Unable to watch and unwilling to stop, Edward gave over to the sensation, closing his eyes and going along for the ride. In his mind, Jasper could be a woman.

He could be Bella.

Teasing licks turned to assertive swirling and sucking at his tip, a warm hand grasped the rest, pistoning fluidly. He'd only dreamed Bella would be so good at this, so enthusiastic ,and so skilled.

"Oh, that's it. Deeper. More, please." Edward heard himself beg, and he couldn't find the shame. The mouth descended slowly, increasing suction and lightly scraping its teeth on the way up. "Fuuuuck!"

Abruptly the mouth removed itself, a hand taking its place. "You like that, Edward?" A man asked. "Has anyone ever done it like this? Does your girlfriend know how to-"

Edward's eyes snapped open. A mouth was a mouth, but that voice had to stop. He glared down at Jasper, hoped he understood the "shut the fuck up," grabbed his hair, and shoved himself down the man's throat.

"You like _that_?" Edward asked, closing eyes and pulling back, then thrust forward until he felt tonsil. "You like this big, thick cock filling your mouth. How long have you wanted it, huh? How long have you waited to gag on this dick?" Edward didn't know who he was thinking of anymore. Bella? Jasper? Did it matter? A mouth was a mouth. A hole was a hole. He'd passed the point of no return.

"You wanted this, now take it. And maybe, if you're a good little cocksucker, I'll let you have it all. Would you like that?" The mouth hummed around him, sending vibrations to his toes. "You want it. You want _this_"-he pushed forward- "buried inside of you, splitting you open like no one ever has. I won't be gentle. I'll ruin you for other men. And you'll see me everyday, knowing exactly what I can do, but you'll never have me again. Is that what you wanted? Is this what you came for?"

Jasper responded by taking Edward deep into his throat and letting out a growl as one of his fingers moved to push at his back entrance.

"Oh no," said Edward. "You don't get to touch that. I'm a top, remember? So get on the bottom."

Edward pulled Jasper off by his hair and looked at him. Surprisingly, the sight of a man's body didn't turn him off, but when Jasper tried to kiss him, Edward pushed away. The body and face were neutral, and Edward wanted nothing to do with them physically.

"I said get down!"

Jasper turned and got comfortable on all fours while Edward rolled on the condom. He looked content on the carpet, but Edward didn't want to kneel there. He moved them up to the bed, but even with Jasper settled on the edge, where Edward could easily enter him standing, it didn't feel right. This pissed him off. If he didn't fuck something in the next three minutes, his balls were going to turn purple and fall off. Sexually frustrated and perplexed by his own inability to perform, Edward let out a roar.

"Just close your eyes again," Jasper suggested. "Pretend I'm Bella. Just start slow and it'll be fine, no prep needed. I was in the Navy, I can take it."

"I can't. I'm not." Edward didn't know what to say until he saw it. Jasper's testicles, smooth and tight, swaying gently. "Turn over."

"I don't see how-"

"Shut up and turn over!" Jasper quickly complied. "Now stroke it."

Edward kept his eyes locked in place as Jasper took himself in hand. A man's ass and back held no appeal for Edward, but a cock, the long, hard instrument of pleasure that it was, _that _he could appreciate. He followed Jasper's movements as he had at the start, mirroring them on himself until Jasper began to work himself in earnest. Harder, faster, as though he intended to finish on his own.

Just on the verge of release, Edward stopped and grabbed Jasper's legs, halting his movements as well. "I hope you weren't kidding about the prep," he said. "Cause I have no idea what I'm doing." Edward pushed himself against Jasper, tentative at first, then harder when he realized the resistance. He timed his thrust perfectly with Jasper's eager arch and suddenly his head was in another man's ass. In an attempt not to think about that, he diverted his attention from his own cock to Jasper's. And while the reminder of his maleness should have been a turn-off, Jasper's light stroking egged him on, willing him to find that same friction.

His hips pushed forward of their own accord, instinctive as breathing. The wetness he was used to wasn't there, but it was tight. So fucking tight. Edward blindly reached into the open drawer at his bedside, pushing aside the box of condoms to find his personal lubricant. He dribbled some on his length as he pulled out, then surprised himself by putting some on Jasper as well.

"Set the pace," he told him. "Show me how you like it."

Jasper spread the lube over himself slowly, seeming to relish the slickness. Edward followed his example, gripping the base of his cock and stroking along what he could reach. He didn't dare remove himself completely from Jasper's body. He didn't think he could push through that barrier again without cumming.

When Jasper had wet himself sufficiently, he fisted his hand at the tip of and slowly pushed it down with an iron grip. Edward followed his lead, watching the hand, imagining it was his own. His own hand, his own cock, lubed up and held tight. As Jasper slowly increased his pace, Edward's body obeyed, as though his hips were connected to Jasper's arm on a string. Up and down. In and out. Jasper shifted his hold and yanked hard in one direction, Edward swiveled in response.

"Oh shit!" Jasper cried out. "Right there, Edward! Right there!"

Edward found a sock near the bedpost and heedless to its level of cleanliness, reached up and stuffed it into Jasper's mouth—where it stayed without argument. As a reward, Edward swiveled again, finding the spot he'd screamed about and pounding it repeatedly.

Edward watched Jasper carefully for reaction, not his face, but his groin. When Edward hit the G-spot (he refused to think of a prostate), the cock in front of him twitched. When the cock in front of him twitched, his own got a phantom thrill, adding to the already powerful sensation of the tightest, wettest hole he'd ever had the privilege of fucking. With every twitch, he groaned, feeling closer to the edge, knowing he'd lose it soon, but not before the other one. He wanted to see it explode. He wanted to know the power of making two cocks cum, one without even touching it.

The other cock started to leak, even as his own balls tightened. The two were so in sync, they may well have been one. Edward saw in his periphery Jasper clawing the sheets. It would all be over soon, his one and only encounter with another man's dick. Edward slowed down at the realization, savoring, even as Jasper bucked in protest. He hadn't been kidding when he'd said he'd never do this again. He wouldn't. Not in a million years. So why not draw out this moment? Use it to its full potential.

Even as the idea struck him, Edward resolved to follow through. This was his once-in-a-lifetime, and he was through with thinking. Jasper had asked him if he'd ever wished he could suck himself off. Yes, was the answer. Every time he watched Bella suck a Popsicle, lick an ice cream, hell, pop a grape, he wished he could recreate the feel of her mouth, since he couldn't have the real thing. And if he _could _suck his own dick, he knew what that would feel like... on one end. But what about the other?

Grateful they were both in shape, Edward tilted Jasper's hips up, earning a stifled groan and a cock twitch. Wetness seeped from the tip, begging to be tasted, and in one swift act of flexibility, it was. Edward bent down and licked Jasper's stomach where most of the wetness had smeared. It was salty and musky, not Edward's favorite taste, but honestly, neither was a woman. Jasper shuddered beneath him, but Edward ignored it. He had to if he wanted to finish this.

Bending awkwardly, Edward did the unthinkable and took Jasper's head into his mouth, rolled it around on his tongue for a moment, then came back up for air. Jasper wriggled, reminding Edward that his hips had stopped moving whilst he explored. Edward moved again, setting a shallow rhythm so that he had plenty of room and ducked back down, taking Jasper as far into his mouth as possible. It was better than he'd imagined. Push in, suck hard. Ease out, hollow cheeks. If he timed it just right, it was like he was fucking his own mouth.

Movement became difficult in his prone position, but Jasper helped, fucking himself alternately on Edward's cock and into his mouth, clearly straining with all he had to keep going, wanting, like Edward, for this feeling to last forever. All too soon, Edward's body tensed and he knew this was going to be it, there'd be no slowing this one. He rose and grabbed Jasper firmly by the hips.

"Cum with me. Cum _on_ me." Jasper nodded and aimed at Edward's abdomen. He stroked slowly with one hand while the other massaged his balls, waiting. Edward pulled almost all the way out before slamming home, swiveling his hips to find that G-spot. And when he did, he pulled it back and did it again, and again. His thrusts became erratic, so he pulled himself in deeper and massaged that spot over and over, grinding until he felt a pulse, then an almighty squeeze that hurt almost as much as it pleased him.

It was uncomfortably tight, so tight he thought he might not be physically capable of cumming, but when he looked down and saw the thick globs of cum shooting from the other cock, felt the heat of the puddles on his belly, the orgasm couldn't be stopped.

"OH GODFUCKSHIT DAMNIT JASPER BELLA FUCK!"

Edward's hips kept thrusting without him as his brain took a field trip to Pluto. He didn't think he'd ever cum so hard in his life, and doubted he ever would again. He wasn't sure he even wanted to. His body felt like weighted down jelly and his head was clouded with fluff. He couldn't have moved if he'd wanted to, and he didn't like that vulnerability. He especially resented the fact that Jasper seemed to find this hilarious. For a moment Edward wished he'd crushed the fucker under his body weight—the payback would be well worth any discomfort on his end—but all-in-all he was pleased to find that he'd landed safely to one side, though he couldn't even remember pulling out.

"What the fuck are you giggling about?" It had taken Edward some time to regain use of his face muscles, but Jasper was still laughing when he did.

"You, my man. I was totally wrong about you."

Edward couldn't help his curiosity. "How so?"

"Honestly, I had you pegged for a fully gay bottom, but you really are a straight guy completely obsessed with cock. Who knew? I thought those were a myth."

"So all that shit about porno and threesomes?"

"Total BS. I've heard people say it before, but I figured it was just their brand of denial. But you're the real deal, dude."

A fist entered Edward's field of vision, as though Jasper expected him to reach up and bump it. "Get the fuck out of my house."

Jasper sighed and pulled his arm away. "Such a waste. Anyway, lover boy, just give me a second. You fucked me up but good."

Edward nodded, though he wasn't sure Jasper could see. In a way it was gratifying to know he'd been able bring someone to the point they couldn't stand up and walk away, even if it _was _an obnoxious asshole he hoped never to speak with again. He prayed he'd communicated the "one-time only" clearly enough, and that the fucker actually listened. On the plus side, whether Jasper stuck around or fell off the face of the planet, he was fairly certain he wouldn't have to be jealous anymore. Bella didn't seem to be Jasper's type.

A light scratching sound from outside caught Edward's attention, followed by a light jingle. He shot up and stared out the still open window. "Oh shit, the cat."

Jasper's laughter redoubled at this. He let out a hearty guffaw and the jingling ceased.

"What? Now you've scared it away."

"Edward, dude, are you really that stupid?"

"What?"

"I don't have a cat."

"WHAT? Then what was tha-"

"Edward, I'm home! Edward? Where are you? Is someone else up there?"

"Fuck."

* * *

**Uh-oh, Bella's home. What happens next? Will Jasper jump out the window? Is Bella going to find him? Will Edward ever get to play her his song? Would YOU ever name a cat Pussy Willow? Inquiring minds want to know.**

**Anyway, I am marking this complete, but reserve the right to continue at some point IF I feel up to it. And by some point I mean, a couple of years from now. Seriously. I've a lot going on right now, including finishing up_ And They Lived_, which I put on hold to write this and trying to publish some Originals (neeeever gonna happen). I think it's a pretty good standalone O/S though, so I don't feel too guilty leaving you hanging. Build your own ending as it were.  
**


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